


Sorta Maybe But Not Really

by apathys_whore



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Abusive Girlfriend, Angst and Humor, Femdom, Masochism, Multi, Prison Gay, Sadism, Weirdness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2014-01-25
Packaged: 2018-01-09 23:19:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1152000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apathys_whore/pseuds/apathys_whore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tucker never expected to end up in a sort of relationship with the biggest asshole in the world.  Or get jealous when said biggest asshole ditches him for his sadistic ex-girlfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sorta Maybe But Not Really

**Author's Note:**

> I think that title may be temporary. I'm sorting winging that part. Shout out to Supercasey who showed interest in this. She writes a pretty good Church too.

Look at them, just sitting there, so fucking smug. Tex leaned over and muttered something in Church’s ear and they both snickered. Like they were in fucking middle school or something, dear god! Why was he with her?! She had ditched him so many times, and yet he kept crawling back. She hardly had to snap her fingers and there he was, her personal whore. Sure, he’d put up a front when other people were around, hell, he’d probably bitch when they were alone (he didn‘t think anyone could break him of that habit). But at the end of the day, he’d get down on his hands and knees and lick her fucking boots if she asked him to. But the thing that bothered him the most, the absolute fucking most, was that he wanted to do it. It turned him on when she cut his flesh and broke his bones. There was something so fucking fundamentally wrong with Leonard Church that it made him want to just fucking scream. How could anyone want to be treated that way? What had to have gone wrong in your head to make you want to have someone do those things to you? He figured it was probably best if he didn’t get himself involved after he figured out the status quo going on in their “relationship”, that he should just stay well enough away. But for some reason, he couldn’t manage to do it. He didn’t want Church to get hurt anymore. And not just physically, either.

It wasn’t like they were gay or anything. It had just… sort of happened. It was before Caboose had shown up but after Flowers had died, and Church had been running his smart fucking mouth again, when he’d finally had enough and jacked him in his face, just to the right of his jaw. He’d never seen anyone grin like that after taking a punch. He’d hit him hard enough that he had landed on his ass, knees open wide and groin accidentally on display. He’d never seen anyone act that way before; in all honestly it had totally freaked him out.

Church had risen from the floor, creepy grin still on his face and Tucker watched him stand almost in slow motion. It had been one of those fight or flight moments because at this point he wasn‘t really sure what that grin was about, but at the time he thought maybe it meant he was going to get his ass handed to him. He’d been extremely surprised when Church had just turned around and sauntered out of the room. Despite having landed the first, last, and only punch, Tucker still felt like he had lost the fight.

Neither of them had mentioned it after that. Mostly because neither one of them had spoken to the other. He had no idea what to say (and he sure as hell wasn’t going to apologize. Church should shut his fucking mouth for once) and whenever he’d seen Church, he was walking around with that creepy grin on his face only now he always had his fingers pressed into the bruise by his jaw. Tucker had figured it was a threat. He had taken to barricading his room at night.

Finally, he had to ask. “Okay, seriously. Why have you been walking around like a serial killer that’s blazed out of his fucking mind? I’m sorry that I hit you, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? Just quit doing… whatever the fuck it is that you’re doing, man.” He knew he said he wouldn’t apologize, but he was totally losing his mind right now. Anything to make this the tolerable level of extremely shitty that he was used to.

Church leaned against the cool concrete wall of the base with that sly, sardonic look of his that Tucker was used to. At least things were getting back to normal.

“You know, Tucker, you really area a sorry piece of shit.” He had been expecting something like that. Whatever would make that rape-face go away was fine by him. He was a bit surprised though when Church got right in his face. “The sad thing about you, or one of the vast number of them anyway, is that you act on impulse like an animal. And when you see the outcome of your rash decisions you scramble to correct it.” Tucker didn’t listen though. He had decided that Church’s ranting and bullshit wasn’t worth getting into a fight about.

“Man, you are the most negative person ever.” He replied nonchalantly.

Church scowled at him. Obviously that wasn’t the reaction he had wanted. “I’m not negative, I’m just honest. I meant every word that I said.” He had that asshole smile on his face again as he returned to leaning on the wall, but Tucker refused to take the bait. Church might think he was impulsive, but he wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of proving him right. 

“You done yet?” Tucker asked boredly.

Church scowled again, but Tucker was used to that. “Tch, so you’re admitting to it then? I hadn’t thought you capable of that level of maturity.”

Tucker just sighed, exasperated. “Jeeze, what is with you? It’s almost like you want people to hit you or something. With a mouth like that I’m surprised that you have any teeth left at all.”

“Tucker?” His voice was serious now, not that mocking, sarcastic lilt that he had become so use to.

“Yeah?” He asked.

“I want you to hit me again.”

His brain stopped for a moment. There was no way in hell he heard that right. “You’re probably going to be a huge dick about this, but I could have sworn you just asked me to hit you.”

In that exasperated and annoyed tone, he replied, “It wasn’t phrased as a question, it was a statement, Tucker. But yes, I want you to hit me.” 

The silence that followed was usually reserved for the announcement of a sudden and violent death of a loved one or an unwanted pregnancy. He honestly had no idea what to say to that. In retrospect, that grin sort of made sense now. A sick, disturbing sort of sense, but sense none the less. Tucker was completely lost on this development. 

“Well?” Church asked, arms crossed and looking seriously annoyed. Only Church would be annoyed at not being promptly beaten after his request, he mused.

“I’m… not sure… WHY!?” He was flabbergasted. Why in the hell would you ever want someone to hit you? You got put in jail for hitting people for a reason, you know. So when the biggest asshole in the world wanted to be punched, it was a very confusing moment.

“Does it matter why?” Suddenly Church was directly in from of him again. Despite the fact that Church was the one who wanted to be assaulted, Tucker was the one who felt like he was about to get the shit beaten out of him. “Come one, just hit me.” Church almost purred, lips twisting into the sickest smile Tucker had ever seen. “Just enough to bruise.” He whispered directly in his ear. If it had been anything else said in that tone, it would have been sexual. But this, there was no way it could ever be sexual. 

“Church, there is no way I’m going to hit you. Ever. Again.” It was seriously creepy how he kept getting in his face. What the fuck had happened to his concept of personal space, Tucker thought as he cautiously backed away.

“Come one, Tucker, please?” Church kept pace with him, refusing to let the space between them grow. Then he caught Tucker completely off guard. By promptly grabbing his dick. “If you do something for me, I’ll do something for you.” There was Church’s face again. Eyes hooded and lips turned up in a perverse way. The good kind of perverse. The dangerous kind of perverse. Damn it, he didn’t want to hit him again, honestly he didn’t want to, but it had been so long since someone other than himself had touched his dick and god he ground the heel of his hand into him and fuck anything if he could make him come.

“I just- I just have to hit you?” 

He watched Church’s expression morph into something utterly predatory and lascivious. “How about we do each other one better?”

That was how they ended up in Church’s room. Naked. It had been the most awkward stripping of clothes that had ever happened in the history of the world. At least on his part. Church didn’t seem to give a damn. The rooms in the base were practically closets with cots and a dresser. The bed had a simple metal frame with a bar rising just above the surface of the mattress at the head. Tucker swore they put that there because they wanted them to have the least comfortable accommodations possible. With their thin, shitty pillows it had a tendency to dig into your head. But he was completely focused on something else at the moment. Church had climbed on the bed laid down on his back as if nothing abnormal was going to happen. Tucker, on the other hand, had stiffly walked over and sat cross legged on the end of the bed. Church had banally opened his legs wide enough to accommodate him and placed his feet on either side of his waist. It was weird looking at another dude’s junk like that, but he figured if he closed his eyes he could just pretend it was a chick. Sex was sex in desperate times. Church was an all right looking guy if you were into guy guys and not those little faggy looking girly boys chicks seemed to be into these days. He had messy black hair and shockingly blue eyes settled above high but hollow cheeks, giving his face a bit of gaunt and drawn look. It suited him, really. His cheeks sloped inward slightly to a square, if a bit narrow, jaw. He was perhaps odd looking, but not unattractive. 

“So, you want me to do what?”

“Jesus, Tucker, do you not know how sex works or something?”

He chose to ignore that. “So I just… put it in your butt?”

“What? No Jesus Christ Tucker. What the fuck?”

“I don’t know man. This was your idea. What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to fuck me! What’s so hard to understand about that?”

“Well what do you want me to do? Just stick it in and go to town?” He was exasperated, confused, and slightly embarrassed about the whole thing. And Church seemed to want him to do some sort of completely in control dominance guy. It would be a hell of a lot easier if he just wanted to hop on his dick and go for a ride. Why could nothing in his life ever be normal?

“Fucking YES! You hit me before. This isn’t too far off from that.” Church said, completely exasperated.

“Um, yeah. Hitting a guy and butt raping a guy are two totally different things.”

“If you think about it, it all comes down to physical violence. One is just a few steps down the road.”

“Sort of, but rape is more about power tripping. People don’t get into fist fights and rape each other.”

“But isn’t fighting all about power? You prove your point through a physical show of power and the strongest wins. It’s really all about self gratification.”

“But if you get into a fight with someone it means that at one point both parties performed a transgression against the other. Rape is random.”

“Sometimes it’s random, but sometimes it’s a bad attempt at revenge for a supposed transgression. Or a generalization on the whole of a specific demographic.”

“You can say it anyway you want; I’m still not going to say a fight and rape are the same.”

“I’m not saying they’re exactly the same, but there is a strong commonality.”

“You know what? I don’t care anymore. Where’s the lube or whatever?”

“Do it dry.”

“Dude, what? No, that’s a terrible idea. That’ll hurt my dick.”

“God you are such a crybaby. Just spit on it or something.”

“That’s gross dude. I’m not gonna do that.”

“Well if you don’t, I will. So let’s go.”

So this is what it had come to. Spitting on his own dick to bang the ass of a guy he didn’t even like. This was the lowest he had ever sunk. Well, top five anyway. Probably. But god, if sliding into that wonderful heat wasn’t worth it in the end. A death grip at the opening and a textured loosness farther in. He sighed and let his eyes slip closed as he started a steady rhythm, hands lightly gripping the backs of Church’s thighs. Once he got started he decided it wasn’t so weird.

“You can pick up the pace. You know, before I fall asleep.”

“You don’t have to be an ass about it. You could have just said harder.” Why did he have to talk? Talking made it weird.

“If I didn’t berate you, you wouldn’t do it right.”

Tucker decided to ignore him and just go faster. God it was hard to feel ashamed about anything that felt this good. It was also hard to be annoyed at Church when he was fucking him. He wondered if he would have to act like a gentleman to him after this. Like hold doors and… whatever gentlemen did. That would be annoying because Church would be a total prick about it.

“Harder. As fast as you can.” Church interrupted him with a raspy voice. Tucker looked down at him. His eyes were closed tight and his hands were gripping the sheets. His normally pale skin was flushed pink and his erection was straining.

“You sure? Won’t that hurt?” He asked, a little off put. He was honestly hesitant to do anything that would hurt him, despite that being the request. 

“Yeah. That’s why I want it.” For once there was no scathing retort or looks of utter disdain. Just unabashed want.

He closed his eyes and went for it. As hard and as fast as he could. He felt Church’s legs tighten around him as he bucked his ass back onto his dick. “God yes. Keep doing that!” He said as he clutched the sheets until his knuckles turned white. Man this guy was weird, Tucker thought. He was fucking someone harder than he had ever done in his life. It felt weird, but in a really good way. 

“You want me to… grab your dick or something?” He asked breathily. He wasn’t sure if that was how this thing was supposed to work. 

“Don’t, don’t touch it. I wanna come with my ass.” Church’s eyes were still closed and it looked like he was a second away from cuming.

“You… you can do that?” He asked between heaving breaths,

“Shut up. You’re wrecking it.” Church said. It was always good to know that it was possible to be a bastard even during sex. Tucker would have to remember that should he ever want to take Church’s place as least likeable guy ever. But apparently likable and fuckable were not intersecting categories. Whatever. He was almost there so nothing mattered anymore anyway. 

“Bite me.” He said, his arms grabbing at his shoulders to pull him down.

“Why?”

“Because I like it. Bite me. Right on my neck. As hard as you can.” It was wonton and without the normal anger that was always lurking just on the edge of his voice. Damn, that must mean he really wanted it. Tucker hitched Church’s hips up higher to be able to get a better angle at his neck. He was going to cum soon and he honestly didn’t care anymore what weird shit Church wanted him to do. As long as he got to cum. He buried his head in his neck and sunk his teeth into the white flesh as hard as he could. The sweat tasted of salt and desperation. Church jerked up and howled, blunt nails digging into Tucker’s back and legs squeezing his waist as he came, insides contracting around Tucker’s dick. 

Tucker came too. God did he come. Like, all over his insides. He hoped Church didn’t mind too much but honestly he didn’t give a shit. It’s not like guys could get pregnant and Church was the one who wanted dick. He should know the risks.

Tucker stayed exactly as he was for a moment, face buried in Church’s neck and still half hard cock lodged in the other man’s ass. He could feel Church’s heaving breaths under him, feel his pounding heart. Slowly Church let his legs fall to the mattress and removed his arms from around his back. “Okay, get out of my room now Tucker.” He didn’t want it to be weirder than it already was so without a word he pulled out, grabbed his close, and left.

Oddly enough things hadn’t been awkward after that. Church didn’t seem to give a shit about it and Tucker figured it wasn’t worth bringing up. What’s a little butt fuck between two dudes with no women around for light years? This couldn’t be the first time in history that it had happened. And Church had been just a little bit less pissy so that was a good bonus. 

Seeing as this was the most pointless “war” ever, they mostly sat around the base and watched TV. They only got a few channels, and the most bearable one was some shopping network. They had no idea which one because it wasn’t in English. Mostly they just did the best voice over they could.

“On the cold, cold night of my country, this hose has saved my life from the roving gangs of moose. This hose is the only weapon that you will ever need.”

“Or you could just hang yourself with it. My brother used it to hang himself last month. It took us two hours to get him down. It is very durable.”

“Dude, why do you always have to make everything so dark? You should have just left it at the moose.” Tucker said.

“Seriously? Moose? You thought that was funny? That was lame as fuck.” Church snapped.

“Moose attack people all the time. It’s like, a serious thing.”

“So your solution would be to attack it with a hose? At least it’s feasible to hang yourself with a hose.”

“If I saw a moose in real life I would run. Those things are fucking massive. And they’re dicks. No one with any sort of functioning brain would attack one. Yet alone with a hose. I said it because the ridiculousness makes it funny.”

“No, the ridiculousness makes it retarded, not funny.”

“So someone killing themselves is funny?”

“Yeah. Way funnier than anything to do with a moose. Moose aren’t herd animals. What would they be doing traveling in packs anyway?”

“What you’re a moose expert now? You’re the king of moose?”

“If they’re not socially co-operative, they wouldn’t have a king now would they?”

“ALL HAIL CHURCH, THE ALL KNOWING GOD OF MOOSE!”

“Fuck off, Tucker.”

“How do you know so much about moose anyway? Were you a Canadian Mountie or something?”

“I used to get high a lot and watch Animal Planet. Before it was just reality shows.”

“Awww man, you know what would be awesome? A lot of weed and double stuffed Oreos. I still like to take them apart and put two together to make a triple stuffed one.”

“If you take two double stuffed ones and put them together, it would make it a quadruple stuffed. All math aside, that’s probably the only good idea you’ve ever had.”

“Dude, we’re totally bonding right now.”

“Just another thing you suck at.”

Tucker laughed and threw a pillow at him. Church would always be a dick, but it didn’t bug him anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> This part is fun but it's gonna get a lot darker. It'll also earn a guro tag when the next parts are finished. At one point in my life I will be able to finish something in under three years. I'll probably come back to this pretty soon, but right now I'm having fun with a challenge I got. I'm taking it upon myself to desecrate the Harry Potter fandom with my extraordinary guro talents and the things I find romantic. Dead bodies can be romantic, if you play it right. I don't know the fandom that well so I'm sort of just making up for it with mutilating people. So yeah, I've got more bits and pieces of this in my notebook but those parts take place in the middle/end so you can't have them yet. This isn't meant to be non linear like some of my other stuff.


End file.
